With whom will we trust our children? Here’s how one coach changed my life, and why the young people of our churches still need mentors.
“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1
To me, John Norris was a coach, a mentor, and a friend. He followed
Jesus and invited me along at just the right time. To this day I am
convinced that he is the reason I made it through middle school.
(That’s me, on the left, being awkward in middle school. Also, a young Vanilla Ice on the right.)
John Norris passed away on July 24th, 2012, suffering a heart
attack while away on a business trip. As a faithful member of Plains
Presbyterian Church in Zachary, LA, John invested countless hours into
young boys like myself as we grew up in the church.
From the time I was in diapers I loved basketball. It was my childhood dream to the play in the NBA. I was fairly new to the church, but had heard about the middle school church league team – “Full Prez.” (Oh Presbyterian humor…) Words could not express how excited I was for the chance to play basketball, because Lord knows there was no way I’d ever make a school team. Come to find out, the coach lived just down the street. He would pick me up in his Jeep Grand Cherokee and we’d make our way to the gym on Main Street.
John was one of the first adults who talked with me, not just to me or at me. In those rides to the gym, he talked about his wife – Virginia. I didn’t get to know her until later, but from the beginning I realized that he was a lucky/blessed man. The look on his face as he spoke and the way he built her up with his words proved his affection for her. In John, I saw another example of what a godly husband looked like – my dad hadn’t been making this stuff up!
I heard him talk about his children and his grandchildren. His granddaughter Bekah would often come to practice with us. She couldn’t have been more than 6 years old. I saw how much they absolutely adored each other.
We talked about so much in those brief, 5 minute conversations. They were the highlight of my day.
My dreams of basketball stardom quickly came crashing down out of the clouds. To say I wasn’t athletic would be a gross understatement. But John never let on. Sure, I warmed the bench for quite a few of our
championship seasons. But sitting on the bench with coach and only playing the last minutes of the blowout games was worth every second.
I’ll never forget his earnest plea for me to practice my free throws. Looking back, I realize that he may have noticed that two things I COULD do on the court were foul or be fouled. Judging by John and my dad’s reaction the day I scored 10 points (8 of which came from the line) you would have thought I’d won a scholarship to Duke. They were genuinely proud of me. It was such a minor achievement, but they didn’t care. They knew how much it meant.
Two days after John Norris passed away, my wife and I welcomed our first child into the world. I hope to be strong yet caring, serious yet winsome, fun and genuinely loving – just like John.
John’s death and the birth of my daughter have me thinking a great deal about the role of Christian community in the life of our children. Here’s what we can emulate in John Norris and seek out in potential mentors:
John was not my father
My father was an incredible mentor. I am a zealous advocate for the role of fathers in the lives of children. It is imperative that a father take the primary role of discipleship in the life of his child.
But there is an additive ethos to the role of mentor, an intangible necessity for those within our communities to assist parents in the weighty task of raising children. Parents do not abdicate responsibility by allowing others the privilege of teaching/nurturing their children. Here’s what I mean:
Dad bought me my first basketball (and then a set of golf clubs when he saw I needed to play something that didn’t require running), John assisted my dad in training a boy to become a man.- Dad taught me to shoot a basketball, John taught me to play on a team.
- Dad disciplined me (grounded from basketball), John backed up my father’s authority.
No father or mother is perfect. Because of the influence of John and others like him, I want another godly woman to be deeply involved in the life of my daughter. I want someone outside of the family pointing her to Jesus and serving as another tool for the Holy Spirit to use in His work of heart change.
Also, I desperately need a non-peer for my daughter to talk to when my wife and I screw up as parents.
John was not paid to disciple me
I could write a book about my youth pastor, camp counselors, campus ministers, etc, and their impact on my soul. But those individuals are part of a different, and immensely important, story. This story involves someone who had a family and a non-ministry full-time job, who chose to sacrifice his time and energy. Yet he received nothing in return.
Look into your church and ask this question – who do we expect to do the ministry? Do we expect only the paid staff and interns to take care of our children? Why are youth pastors so easily cast off, burned out, or resented by congregations?
Because parents and youth pastors can’t do it alone. Consider that there may be a lack of lay-mentors investing in the lives of children and youth who, by their presence and relationship, subtly lift kids out of their default, peer-driven, horizontally focused mindsets and value systems. That person may be you – parent, college student, young couple.
There is immense joy in jumping into the mix to serve willingly, delighting in the privilege of ushering children to the feet of Jesus – even if it’s not your job.
John was keeping his covenant
When a child is baptized in the Presbyterian Church in America, the pastor asks the parents these questions:
1. Do you acknowledge your child’s need of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, and the renewing grace of the Holy Spirit?
2. Do you claim God’s covenant promises on their behalf, and do you look in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ for their salvation, as you do for your own?
3. Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God, and promise, in humble reliance upon divine grace, that you will endeavor to set before them a godly example, that you will pray with and for them, that you will teach them the doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive, by all the means of God’s appointment, to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?
These questions reflect the beauty of God’s covenant to His people. God makes His promise to families, to children (Gen 12-17: Abraham, Luke 19: Zaccheus). This promise is fulfilled and consummated in Jesus Christ, rescuing individual hearts and unifying a people around God’s purposes for God’s glory. Baptism is the sign of this covenant, like circumcision before it – an outward sign of an inward reality.
Notice the implications of the covenant for the Church: after the 3 questions to parents, the pastor then turns to the congregation:
Do you as a congregation undertake the responsibility of assisting the parents in the Christian nurture of this child? If so, please raise your right hand.
This question, when it is asked at my daughter’s baptism, will likely break me. It is a public representation of my church’s commitment to help me – a sinful, inadequate and broken father – raise my child to know and love her Savior. I cannot wait to see those hands raised.
John Norris was not at my baptism, but he raised his hand each and every day as he drove me to basketball practice.
John was trustworthy
As a parent, I will carefully watch those who care for my daughter, praying for her and for those with whom she spends time. As a camp director, I carefully and prayerfully screen those who care for the thousands of kids who come through Twin Lakes. I seek out those whom are equipped for the task – both from my own observation, and from the eyes of many others. I do all of this diligently – all because I raised my hand (see #3).
Our caution and diligence in raising our children must not stem from a lack of trust, but from a prayerful, discerning security in Christ’s sovereignty.
John was always above reproach, and never had to be told to put healthy boundaries in place. He was for me all he needed to be – an excellent basketball coach. My parents had every reason to trust him, and because they did, the trajectory of my life was changed – for the better – forever.
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The faith that John lived out in front of me has now become sight. He is seeing His Savior face to face. And the impact John Norris made on young men like myself is incalculable. I am so very grateful for his life.
I’ve heard it said that every Timothy needs a Paul, and every Ruth needs a Naomi. I needed mentors, my daughter needs mentors. Church leaders, church members, and parents – our children still need mentors.
“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:4
“And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” 2 Timothy 2:2